Yesterday was a rough day. I was in a bad mood, stressed out and Will was being a pain. Everything I said was wrong. And he doesn’t just tell me that he disagrees, he screeeams it and bursts into hysterical tears. If I try to send him to his room for a time out, you would think I am torturing him based upon the sheer volume of his screams. I lost my temper a few times throughout the day (“day” meaning the two hours after work before Jeff comes home… Definitely not my finest mothering moments.)
At the end of the night I was lying on his floor waiting for him to go to sleep and reflecting on the day. My last thought before he asked for Jeff was “you were a bad Mom today.”
Yep. Me. I’m a bad Mom.
Me. The one who works and travels to support her family. The one who loves her boys more than ANYTHING. ANY. Thing. In the WORLD. Who spoils them just enough that they have a steady stream of cookies & special toys from the road but not so much that they are holy terrors. Who hugs and kisses them incessantly and tells them she loves them 57 times a day. I’m a bad Mom. But why today?
What the what?! WHY?
I find my worst days as Mama come when I don’t remember to take care of myself. I get lost in the shuffle. When things get busy, my gym trip is the first thing to go. I skip it, instead shoving a handful of whatever snack is closest into my starving mouth, and I go back to my phone or laptop.
STOP, Mama. Your family isn’t whole unless you are whole. Brush your teeth. Put on your shoes and make that time for you. I’ve discovered that I need two things to keep on top of my crazy. I need to hit the gym, and I need five minutes of peace every day. (PS- if you want to meditate but meditation isn’t your thing? Check out the app Simple Habit. Amazing.)
If I am not calm in the land of boy crazy, it all goes to hell. Our babies feed off what is closest to them, and at this stage of life it’s me. If you worry that you are shortchanging your family by taking care of you remember that you are what they see, and that you are the example that they learn by watching. When I think about it in that light, “me” becomes a top priority. I nurture myself so I have enough to nurture them.